Saturday, December 10, 2011

Butterflies in my Tummy


Goodbye and Godspeed

Boy oh Boy! I had been waiting for a lifetime for this day. In fact it started the very first day I joined the Infosys giant. Back then, I had always felt that you should never get attached to anything. I also believed in the concept of move-on… that you shouldn't stick so long so that you start getting obsolete, rusted and like a classical antique grandfather clock tick-tock-ing anxiously as you wait mechanically for each second in your life to pass by.

Over the years, I had so much to speak about what I would feel on this day, but now when it actually came, I am just speechless. I have no clue on where to start and how to start. My long tenure in the mighty campus were igniting my beliefs conceptually. I was just proving myself wrong day after day. Somehow it did take a pretty long while for me to realize that. I wonder what took me so long. I guess, I must have fallen in love. I must have fallen in love with the magnanimous structures, that spread across a fantasy land, as far as eyes could see. I must have fallen in love with the plush landscapes, that would royally fade into shades of gray, as you near them, you know.. like the Windows Vista background when you press Ctrl-Alt-Del. I must have fallen in love with the serene composure, the excited moments that burst you with enormous pressure, the anonymous addiction to workaholism, and the embarrassing victories that were awarded free of cost, on the spot and sometimes with a pat on the back. Oh boy, I was struck down, right on the ground. I lay there for a long long while. And try as I may, I was not able to get up after my eventful fall.

Then, day after day, as I started bidding farewell to my near and dears, who left for greener pastures and brighter sunshine, I started reminding myself, all the more, that I should be next one out. Finally, the day has now arrived. Today is the day when my name will soon be wiped out from the sensitive corporate database which is famous for having world-wide data replication and data recovery and fail over and what not. 20827, which was the first identifier that replaced my original name, will remain forever as an useless primary key - like a dangling pointer with no credible owner.  My dance on the slippery floor has come to an end. I am up, and now on my own. I can walk out the door. I know it is not an easy thing to do. 

Each step closer to the door, stabs me deeper in my heart. Each step closer towards fresh air, strangely makes me all the more suffocated. As I approach the golden exit gates, I want to turn and look back once again at the magnificent empire that I am leaving behind. But I know for sure that if I will turn around, I will break down. The charisma and magnetism is still lingering in the air. The mystical fragrance is strong enough to drag me back into the dance floor. But I remind myself that the romance has come to an end, and now I don't have time to loose. I have to reach the gate before I get locked in again. As I hurry and calculate my steps, glimpses of my past flash along the side screens. It feels as if I was staring at a magical crystal ball, only this time, I was looking into my past and not the future.

I see faded images of the good old times. I see enemies gained, and friends lost. I see success and failure fighting painful battles with each other. The pages in my life continue to flip faster and faster as I fast-forward the past 8 years of my life. It is difficult to believe that my dream is nearing an end. I finally reach the gates and I try to push it open. The gate is heavy and my hands are hurting as I try to squeeze myself through the little space between the harsh door. And as I finally pull my last inch out, I hear a huge thud and I see the gates closed tightly behind. Somewhere through the gap, I sense the loud closing of a chapter in my book. Troubled yet relieved, I search myself. I have nothing with me, except a few documents tucked in my backpack. I check my pocket to feel the ID card that I carried along with so much pride for eight precious years. But it is no longer there. It is all over. And.. I move on...



Some memories... from the past...